Tuesday, April 22, 2008

The Story of The Feis

Most of you should know that I take Irish dance (and have a competition this weekend. Prayers welcomed!). I found this "Irish Dance Bible" story all too funny and had to share. I got it from here.


"In the beginning the world was without Feis and void; darkness was upon the face of the land and the spirit of An Coimisiún le Rinci Gaelacha (the unpronounceable one) did move over the world.

Across the land there was discontent, chaos and the weeping and gnashing of teeth for the people were sore ashamed as they were not of the Feis.

An Coimisiún did hear the cries and lamentations of the people and spake unto them all these words saying:

“Let there be Feis!”

And the word became Feis and Feis was among the people of the land and there was much rejoicing for the people were of the Feis.

And the people of the Feis looked upon the spirit of An Coimisiún and didst ask of him (and/or her), “Tell us, oh great and unpronounceable one, how shalt we Feis?”

And the spirit of An Coimisiún once again spake unto them all these words saying:

“Look unto the families of your kind and make thee a stage of gopher wood and this is the fashion which thou shalt make it of. The length of the stage shall be sixteen cubits, the breadth of it thirteen cubits and thou shalt pitch it within and without with all manner of duct tape for the spirit of An Coimisiún dances within you and abides not a false surface."

And the wives of the people did approach An Coimisiún with grief and anguish in their words saying, “Our husbands are uncouth and without social skills and are loathe to build this stage as you have commanded for their tools and drills are insubstantial and lack power and they are sore ashamed."

And the spirit of An Coimisiún did cajole them with these words saying, “Thou shalt exhort your husbands to go forth to the Home of Depot to procure powerful cordless tools with reversible chucks." And the husbands did go forth as they were bid and returned, grasping their mighty tools and were not ashamed and the wives rejoiced for, even though they were still uncouth, their husbands now had variable speed.

And this was the end of the First Day.

On the morning of the second day the people of the Feis did arise to the dulcet murmuring of joy and jubilation as they made ready for the Feis which was even nigh upon them.

And the dancers did adorn themselves with all manner of silks, dyed garments, and costume apparel of uncertain fashion encrusted all with tinsel, jewels, glitter, and every type of shiny bauble.

And they did tie back their hair which was their own from birth and festooned instead on their heads ponderous wigs having an appearance not unlike racoons on which they placed silver diadems and crowns.

The bolder ones among them slathered pastes and creams of questionable tone on their bodies for they were ashamed of their natural colour which was unsightly unto them.

And the mothers adorned their children’s eyes, lips, mouths and faces with all manner of dyes and hues of every tawdry blush and shade.

And the spirit of An Coimisiún le Rincí Gaelacha (the unpronounceable one) descended from the mountain among the tumult and chaos and saw all of this before him and cast his eyes away roaring:

“Thou hast taken my Feis and made it a hideous spectacle and an abomination unto my eyes!”

And as an evil thing, darkness fell about the face of the Feis and the people were sore afraid and did cry out to the unpronounceable one as in one voice, “Forgive us master for we know not what we do.”

And the unpronounceable one did look upon the people with soddened eyes of forgiveness for, even though they had strayed from the spirit of the Feis, they were to him his children and he spoke kindly to them saying,

“I shall give unto you this day the ten commandments of the Feis and you shall give them unto your own children and they theirs and each again unto their kind and the laws of the Feis shall not perish!”

The Ten Commandments of Feis

And the unpronounceable one did speak all these words unto them:

“First and above all, I am the Spirit of the Feis; thou shalt hold no commissions before me.”

“Remember the Feis day and register early.”

“Honour thy Feis Mom for it is she that delivers you unto the Feis and gives you sustenance thereof.”

“Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s podium placement.”

“Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour’s solo dress.”

“Thou shalt not bear false tans even unto your twelfth year, nor wigs, nor facial adornment of any kind for the Spirit of An Coimisiún gazes fondly on the children of the Feis and they shall be unblemished before his eyes.”

“Thou shalt not make graven images of thy dancer whilst in motion.”

“Thou shalt not forsake thy teacher lest thee be banished from the Feis for one hundred and eighty days.”

“Thou shalt not forsake thy bloomer check.”

“These are my commandments that all who dwell within the spirit of the Feis shall abide.”

And the people did look upon their fingers, five in each hand, counting them as he spoke and did look upon each other with worry and concern for each had one finger that was silent.

And the Spirit of An Coimisiún did discern the trepidation among them and asked, “What is it that trebles thee?”

And the people of the Feis did speak unto the unpronounceable one saying, “Nine, that’s only nine commandments!”

And with a final roar which shook the very firmament around them, the Spirit of An Coimisiún bellowed:

“Thou shalt not quibble!”

And this was the end of the second day."

If you can't find that funny- get your funny sensor checked.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Too funny! And oh so true!Let'd go feisin'!love you lots! mom

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